I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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