So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
