I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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