I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
