Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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