just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
