I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
