I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
