I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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