Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
