she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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