it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize