the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
