I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
