You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
