I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
