I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
