I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We got so high we made milksteak
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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