I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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