Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
