I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
