shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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