if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
