I seem to have left my pride at pride
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
