If that was your dad, he is hot
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
