i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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