i just had sex bonerless
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
