Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
