Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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