he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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