I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
