We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
