the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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