My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
