Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
