I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
