"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
