..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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