I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
