I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
