So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
