Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize