haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
