Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize