What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
