In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
