consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize