Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
