if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
