It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
