dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
