no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
now i know why i became what i already was.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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