Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
