i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
