i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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