I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
are you so shy because you have an std?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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