when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
