I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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