she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
