Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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