My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
