Buhtt sex?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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