we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
