it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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