Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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