you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
