i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
