she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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