So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
