Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
