I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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