"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
