I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
